2.9.10

Impatient Much

Ugh. I hate waiting! I hate waiting for packages, I hate waiting to lose weight, I hate waiting to hear back from my mortgage company about whether or not I'll be able to afford my house....shitake I hate waiting until tomorrow for a sale! I want everything and I want it all right now. I'm not usually this impatient..I'm really not. I just feel like I've been waiting FOREVER and I'm just done!

I've decided I'm done, DONE being so large. As I said on twitter "I'm ready to have my 24 in waist back and have only one chin again" and I SO am. I am not this person. I feel like I'm hiding under a thick layer of fat. Trying to hide from the world...only to realize, there is no way to hide..especially when you've got facebook, twitter, a blog an online store to keep up. I feel like I gave up on myself, like I didn't need to look good because I didn't want anyone looking...
I used to look like this..
Look how scrawny my legs were. These were juniors size 11 pants and I only had to get an 11 because my hips are so wide, that shirt is an XS..I want THIS back. As much as I hated when guys used to hit on me...I haven't been hit on in 2 years....yeah, it feels like shitake.Look at my calves here...The skirt is a 26 in waist and it was a little baggy.
...compaired with my calves now....Honestly...I feel ashamed.. I mean I thought I would be better than this at keeping on top of my weight....I just got lazy I guess.
Clavicles! Oh how I miss them..You can tell I've gained weight here but I'm still SO much teenier than I am now.. I was still wearing juniors sizes. This suit is an XS/S Vintage size 12! I can't even look at a size 12 now a days. I used to complain about that "belly" I called it my 21-gut.
Here I am in a vintage size 14/16 after I lost weight for my wedding. This was nice..but I still need to get back down..down where I can wear my own vintage clothing...I currently have 3 dresses out to Solanah, she is modeling them and sending them back...there wasn't anything I couldn't squeeze into back in the day. I even squeezed into a 22 in white pencil skirt...trust me I remember how TIGHT it was..ha-ha
Now I have a hard time squeezing into a 28 inch waist. I have 2 things that are a 27 that I just can't suck in enough to wear...Sorry for the depressing post. I'm not looking to be debbie downer! I'm just DONE. My hubs and I are both dieting now. He wants to do some yoga and I want to do strength training (opposites much) I may lose my boobs....but my teeny waist will be worth the sadness upstairs.
Winter 2009
Summer 2010
...I think my extra weight has added about 10 years to my face too...I'm only 25..why do I look almost 40?


Ok I'm done yammering on I guess. Wish me luck, this time I'm really going to lose the weight. I WILL!

6 comments:

Jenny S said...

I understand, I just want to loose enough to be able to fit into SOME vintage. hehehe! There are so many beautiful pieces out there and with my chest and butt...nothing fits!

Kim Bombshell said...

I am 5'8" and went from a 37 waist to a 30 waist. I started a weight loss blog to help me in these last 25 pounds to get to goal. Check my profile, the weight loss blog is Vanity's only Virtue.

Good luck, you will do it, even though you look great now. I know how it feels to not want your photo taken and feeling unattractive.

Tart Deco™ said...

I hear ya sistah! I never was very small because of my chest, but I am done with being an 18/20 (especially because I lost 40 lbs and then put it back on).

Have you discovered sparkpeople.com yet? It's free and they have all kinds of fun and interesting ways to keep you motivated past the first week. Lol!

Bombshell Bettie said...

Thanks everyone...I'm feeling better already! <3 I will say I'm pretty lucky genetically because I can carry a lot of weight, well. I'm only 5'3" and I'm nearly 200 lbs *wince* and I'm barely a plus size (14/16) but I'm ready to wear heels again. Since I gained so much weight It hurts my ankles to wear them..and I love love love my heels!

Sue said...

Ok - I'm with you and would love to be your weight loss buddy (also about 5'3 (on a good day) and really about the same size all around. I would love to turn back the clock to when I could wear a size6, but would be content with just loosing something at this point!! I have some awesome vintage shoes that I want to wear, but seeing a photo of them on me with my chunky calves made me want to burst into tears. Maybe you, me and Tart Deco can support each other and finally do this!!

Hugs,
Sue

Miss Emmi said...

Good luck with it all! You sound really determined and that's probably the most important part. I want to take the time to get fit - not skinnier, just fit, as I find it embarrassing that my legs are like jelly. Maybe you could post about how you're going from time to time to encourage the rest of us to keep up?